Five More Dating Myths Debunked
Five More "Urban Legends" About Dating
Myth #6 - First impressions about a blind date are always correct.
It's part of human nature that people aren't always themselves when they meet someone new. Someone who is slow to warm up might be more comfortable the next time. Another person might be extremely charming at first but over time reveal himself to be controlling, selfish or rude. A bad day at work or a cold coming on could negatively affect someone's style of relating.
And then there are the normal mistakes people make and feel embarrassed about later -- putting their foot in their mouth, nervously talking too fast or too much, feeling uncomfortable because they wore absolutely the wrong thing for this particular date, or trying too hard to impress the other person. The real essence of another person takes time to come through. That's why it's a good idea not to rush to judgment on a first date.
Myth #7 - If we date longer, the qualities that bother me about the other person will get worked out.
This is probably the most common myth that misleads daters. No courtship is completely smooth. Sometimes, two daters can discuss and work through an issue that keeps them from moving forward, or decide they're okay with their differences or with an issue that bothers one of them. Other couples can unsuccessfully struggle to make things work for months, and believe that if they persevere, they'll succeed. If they haven't made much progress, it's possible they never will, no matter how long they "spin their wheels," because they're just not right for each other.
Some people have to experience this a few times before they realize the pattern they are in. When the right person comes along, major issues will either not be present or will get resolved quickly, and the courtship will be much smoother.
Myth #8 - The "right" girl will straighten him out!
This is a dangerous misconception. Change has to come from within a person. Marriage is not a "cure" for someone who is having trouble finding out what he wants to do with his life, can't control his temper, has trouble staying with a job or earning a living, doesn't think it is necessary for him to take medication that helps him be more functional, or can't handle the responsibilities of day-to-day living.
A "lost" soul should find himself before marriage. Unfortunately, many troubled people unfairly and unrealistically believe that the "right" spouse will "fix" them. Most of the these marriages are very unhappy or end in divorce. If you've heard a rare story about someone who turned his life around after marriage, it's because he decided to do so on his own, irrespective of his spouse's emotional support.
Myth #9 - It doesn't matter if most of your friends and family don't like the person you're crazy about. You understand him, and your opinion is the only one that matters.
One of your friends or relatives may not like the person you're dating because of a personality conflict. However, when a few people who care about you feel there is a problem with your dating partner, they may see something that you can't see because of your emotions, attraction, or sense of pride.
In such a case, it's a good idea to take a closer look at your relationship. See each other in different settings, engage in more meaningful discussions about problematic issues, explore the other person's background, and date long enough to really know each other well before you make any decisions about the future.
Myth #10 - Love conquers all.
The myth that anything can be worked out if two people fall in love has led far too many people into ill-suited marriages. He wants to live in Israel, she prefers California; he wants to become more religiously observant, but she's not ready to give up pepperoni pizza; he wants his wife to stay at home when the children are young, but she expects to continue her career track.
Some couples decide to become engaged first and work out the details later. The problem is that since values and lifestyle goals often go to the core of a person's sense of who he or she is, they aren't easily compromised. If they remain unresolved, they can become a recurrent source of conflict for a couple, and they are an invitation to a broken engagement or divorce. No matter how much two people care for each other, if they can't come to terms with significant differences in their values, lifestyle expectations, or dreams for the future, they're probably not going to make it long-term.